Hellooooooo, my name isss Arnolfo Jhalenka Arrarrrrripe Pimenta Jhimello, an’ I be joo waider dis eeb’nin’. Firs’ I like to congra’ulate joo on joo won’rful taste in dinin’ at Chez Gourmand. Essellen’ choice, sir. I am a Yemini, sign uff de tweenss, my frien’ coll me Beauty & de Beas’, I am fruuuuum Rrrrio di Jhanero. I wass een de ‘riyinal cast of “Cats” - Meooooow! - an’ I broke my li’l paw, dios Mio, was God’s way uff breengeen’ me here to be wit’ jhoo tonigh’. My muther wass an artis’, an’ my father wass a mmmmonster, is-n’ dat alwayss de way? Joo need anytheen’ joo yust theenk ‘bout it, an’ Ay weell be here, to take care uff joo ebbry need. Now lemme tell joo ‘bout our ayspecialss dis eeb’nin’, Chef Paulo is beddy ‘cited ‘bout dem –he heff beddy bad night with Mikkeleenia, joo seen her een Beektoria’ Secret, she a cray-see bay-bee, hothothot! Por appetisserss, we got be-youteeful bay-bee seal aytoufay, joo would kiss joo gran’muther with joo tongue for dis; we gotta ssssensational snow leopert rattattooee with ‘stralian bandicoot rrrrrramoulade; an’ a faboolus Ridley sea tur’le, Galapagos tortuse, an’ Yawksbeell marsh tur’le soup, I heff some earlier, I cry, I star’ cryeen’, okay, I wass ‘motional, but it wass de soup, too. Now for main course we haff a grillt Cammerrrrroonian mandrill, smother’ een brown whoopeen’ crane an’ eendeego snake sause, with payppercor’ swit potato. Joo eat dat joo say, “Arnolfo halenka Arrarrrrripe Pimenta Jhimello, I yam go-een’ to put joo een my will.” An’ we got frickassee sssnow leopard, ‘merican bal’ igle, an’ Bosssnian Fallow deer boo-ya-base with lima bin cous coussss - I lub sayeen’ dat, cous coussss! - an’ de bitteriss greens money can buy, bay-bee dese greens iss more bitter dan a bar full uff drunk queens at closeen’ time; an’ finally, de Chef Paulo’s spessssiality – de Wild Thing – name apter me. French wild boar, with wild rice, an’ wild ‘sparaguse, I don’ know why dey’ wild, dey juss sit dere far assss I can tell, but dat’s what Paulo tole me, so dat’s what I tell joo. Joo een town from somewhere? I knew it, don’ ask me how, it’s a geeft, what can I say, to be honess, it’s a blesseen’ an’ a curse. I give joo li’le tip, no pun ‘tended, go down to Hallowin P’rade tomorrow, it’s de bess show een New Jork an’ it’s free, I swear on my muther, better than any show on Broa’way, it’s where all de talent iss, I gonna be dere, bay-bee, doeen’ my Carrrmen Mirrrranda, de fruit with de fruits on de head. It’s no’ like it jused to be, back in de day, oh bay-bee, dose were de days my frien’, it wass bee-youteeful, joo should heff seen de boysss getteeng’ dere freak on, boysss boysss ebbrywhere, joo juss snap joo feenyer it wass like International House uff Pancake’, bay-bee: butwheat, buttermil’, Belyian waffle, whip cream, cherries, an’ lotsa nuts. No’ like dat no more. No more. No’ like it wass back den…

What? No, I’m fine. Now what can I get for joo? Joo no’ happy when joo leave here tonigh’, I sware, I come to joo hotel room an’ I give joo all a make-over, or my name is no’ Arnolfo Jhalenka Arraripe Pimenta Jhimello.